speechlessness.

it's sad when you think about how i'm so good at saying what i don't like. when capital N rightfully thinks you're a racist and you're not good at explaining things. maybe i'm just a really unhappy person. maybe i like the drama of my burns both on the giving and receiving end. i could make accuses. but those are as pointless as, well, hell, i dunno. i'd like to dedicate this note on a positive note but the point that i haven't gotten to that point yet is that i'm not good at accentuating the good.
capital blurg.
but i hope i don't make as much sense on whatever it is i'm trying to talk about.
the good ol' gemini contradictive me. useless to the point of...
and maybe i'm not doing any good, maybe my hopes for this blog are just wasted water. think green Nikolas. green in envy for people with hearts heavy with hope.
how did i grow up so mean?
is this what i want?
kinda, when i think about it. grumpy old man at the age of 26. laughable? is this irony? no, i think not. but laughable, sure.
as i continue with my regularly posted blogs, as i'm sure i'll forget this, my wishes are just for a better future. either tomorrow or the next hour or the next week or the next minute to the coming years. i hope there will come a day when i'm happy to point of speechlessness.